Touray

Last night while washing dishes I noticed a glass.
I notice how the soap slid down slowly to the brim and then fade into the waterfall hitting metallic gray. I noticed how clear the glass appeared. I held it up into a soft beam of sunlight and used my fingernail to scrape the last particle away. Clear it was clear.

I felt the urge to grab my camera, which I did, lost in the back of the closet. I didn’t have film (I can’t remember a time when I did not have film). I focused on the glass any way and enjoy the thought of trying to be more like me.

Sometimes I do not know who or what that is. Sad, I guess, for 28 years, but maybe as the nagging knowledge of things falling apart in the back of my mind, I hold on to the hope that at least this time I will be clear.

I found the recent hum of what people “need” from our new initative, new unit, new bowl of resources, and the new “need” of us to these people, rolling like tear drops down my back. As I clutched the bar of a roller coaster ride screaming and sitting snugly close to one of these, I pondered which of us were most satifying the need?

Love covers a multitude of sin.

“The breeze is like a shining star, I’d say,” says person one.

“Shining to whom? I’m cold,” Responds two.

“”Winter’s here,” says one.

“I Know,” responds person two.

“How do you know?”

“I told you I am cold!”

“My point exactly!”

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last night i layed down on the bed. I still felt the motion of being hurled up and down all day long, emotional i felt confused. an odd-fit sadness wrapped around me like a garb, i hesitated to throw it off, strangely i wanted it to sit, not knowing if it were mine, or capture from to many visitors summoned throughout the day, tragedy strikes, as it always does, and tears are becoming like the soft mutter of tires against the paved road, unnoticed, too often at the end of days these days episodes will get lodged in my brain as if i hadn’t been there earlier, and just now after sitting i am affected, offended, confused, and silent,i turn to sharing my stories with the wall, until i am drawn here in the middle of the day.

before meeting a girl who realizes that bathrooms are not suppose to be step daddy platform for sex education class,

I got to the point of missing everything. For far to many nights I would lose myself in the lust for rest. I waved my arms unsucessfully in the air trying to grab a moment away from cell phones, clients, issues, deadlines, and even myself.

Then by the sweet words of passer by I remembered, Ask.

…if you ask for it, you’ll have it….

So like goats beards my prayers broke apart,  floating upon the wind, penatrating my soul,

Then I found myself walking attachment free around the TRE book in hand: Prisoner of Tehron, free.

Aimlessly I went to Dallas just because I could, and there was a meeting in the name of Peace, ironic.

Nothing is ever taken from you. Sometimes things are forgotten or lost at the bottom of your pockets waiting to be discovered.  Dig deep and enjoy!

Since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus, and of the love which ye have to all the saints,
Colosians 1:4

People who carry the holy name of Christ are every where! Literally we are scattered abroad, Like jewels beautifying the land!

My husband is wonderful.

I can’t wait to see what we’d look like 17 years from now.

He constitues me into whole.

These days I wonder why individuals remain that way. What use to look like independence to me, now seems broken. I keep saying to myself don’t they want to be made whole?

It’s not that hard to pick somebody, stick with that body, commit to that body.  Or maybe it is, and maybe I’m just blessed.

To have, to hold, to appreciate…my dearly beloved.

My supervisor has a minature totum pole sitting on her desk. It says: seek to understand, more than to be understood.

I’ve spent many days comtemplating what this might look like in practice. What if this became the focus of my conversations? What if this were the basis for all of my humanly interactions?How would my life be transformed?

A recent encouragment told me to Act and not to just pray.

It started with just a bit of olive oil poured on the center of my head.
I turned my head in a slow motion making sure that it poured down evenly along each sides. It’s rare that I get the opportunity to do anythings slow, like kneading bread, or sculpting a pot.

I need something slow, something caculated, something enjoyable.

His mercies are new every morning
great is His faithfulness…

I will call her Faith for quietness sake.

I finally got where Faith was at. I saw her from the distance flagging me from the corner. She had the same clothing that she ran away from the hospital in. She needed to see the other pharmacist , he’d have the right drug of choice. But that was last night and this was daytime.

The abondanded house held residues of children at play,
She set in the back chair,
The only chair,
A toddlers bed,
Faith’s only place of rest,

You don’t have to be here I said,
Faith smiled,
Her secret master sneered roll it’s eye and turned away,
I could see she was trapped,
Although the bolt had been removed,
From the door,
She was trapped by,
The need of the supply,

Yesterday I zipped around the freeway looking for my brother. I wanted him to come with me. I just wanted to be him in the car and experience the sun like I saw it. Jonathan, amazing, I’ve been to his house once. I don’t know where he lives…

Reality was that I was running late for a ceremony I committed to. My apple pie in hand because I didn’t have time to make the correct jewish dish…so I ended up missing my apples dipped in honey.

I needed that sweetness more than ever. My weekly calendar is, was, filled with many events that look very meaningful. In every since of the word they are, but why was I so vacant? I had not spent any ‘lone’ time with the Lord. I’d forgotten what it meant to steal away with him and have our little date.

So today I left it alone. I left my schedule, I left my ideas, and my searching to believing and receiving my beautiful day.

And like the law of attraction…today a friend at work brought me a plant, my co-workers and I had a bible study, and another lady from a different unit song us a song. It was about the sweetness of the Lord. We do have such a rich culture and it great to be surrounded in it.